Chapter I: May Angels Lead You In

Usually, I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock screaming in my ear. If I manage to wake up before my alarm goes off, it's due to the warmth of the sun's rays hitting against my face; but this particular morning was different. That day, neither my alarm clock, nor the sun woke me up. When I woke up, my room was still pitch black, aside from the small light in the corner that illuminated Mia's crib.



I glanced over at my clock, 4:25 a.m. Yes, there was definitely something wrong. I never wake up that early, not unless Mia is fussing; and even then, it takes me a good five minutes to come to my senses. Today... Today was different. Immediately after my eyes opened, all feelings of sleep and fatigue left me.

"Well," I muttered pushing myself up in bed, "There's no use in laying here if you're wide awake."

I figured that now would be a good time to finish that book my boss asked me to read.

Upon standing, I felt sick to my stomach and my head began to spin. Slowly, I sat back down on my bed and waited for the feeling the pass. When it did, I made another attempt to get out of bed. This time, I tried not to move as fast. Success.

~ *** ~

Somewhere between reading and soothing my unborn child, I fell back asleep. This time when I woke up, two of my co-workers, Angelus Boreanaz and Lenora Watson, along with my next door neighbor, Ashleigh Blackwell (who watched Mia while I was at work) were standing over me. Talk about scared, I nearly pissed on myself.

"What on Earth is going on here?"

"Well, good mornig to you too," Angel mumbled.

"Shaydi, are you feeling all right?" Nora asked.

First I wake up for absolutely no reason what-so-ever, then I nearly faint, and now I wake up to find three people standing over me and staring at me as if I'm some sort of creature from the planet Omega. I was over the fucking moon. "I feel great," I lied, "Why?"

"Um, Shaydi, you overslept, by like... a longshot," Ash replied.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, starting to panic. I looked over at my alarm clock, 11:59. "Oh dear god..."

"Don't worry, we called Mrs. Rivers and told her that you wouldn't be in today and that we would be running late," Nora explained. She looked down at her watch then back at me, "We weren't anticipating on being this late, but oh well."

"My alarm clock never went off!" I justified.

"Yes it did," Angel declared.

"No, it didn't! Believe me, I would have heard it if it went off!" I pressed.

"Believe me, it did!" Angel shot back, "We were here when it went off and it scared the shit out of Mia. I'm surprised her screaming didn't wake you."

What the hell was going on with me? I never sleep through my alarm, and I definitely never sleep through Mia's cries.

"Are you sure you're feelings okay? You don't look so hot," Ash piped up.

By this point, there was no use in lying, "No. I feel awful," I admitted.

"Mhmm, and you look the part too," Angel stated. Sometimes, I couldn't stand that kid.

Nora nudged him harshly in his side, "Be nice!" she hissed.

"I'm just saying," Angel mumbled, "Is the baby okay?"

"The baby's fine," I replied, "I'm the one that isn't okay." I pulled the covers back to crawl out of bed and noticed everyone take a huge step back.

"I have a feeling you just lied to me," Angel whispered in a strangled voice.

"What are you-" I looked down at the bed sheets. There was blood, everywhere; all over my nightgown, all over the spread sheet, all over the top sheet, and now, all over my hand. "Oh no."

~ * * * ~

"Shayda, are you sure that you don't need me to stay?" Angel questioned as he walked me up to the steps that led to my front door.

"I'm positive."

"I don't have anything important to do. I can stay here for a couple of hours, if you'd like. You know, just to make sure that you're okay."

"Angel, I'll be all right. I promise."

"All right, but what about Mia? I can watch her while you get some rest."

"No, no, it's all right. I actually just want to be alone with her, right now. After all, I owe it to her after scaring her like that this morning."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ange. I'm sure. Thank you, though."

"All right," he sighed, "But like I said, I'm not doing anything. Just give me a call if you change your mind." 

I nodded as I made my way up the steps. When I got to the door, I pulled my keys out of my purse. Once the door was unlocked, I peered over my shoulder to see if Angel was back to his car. He as still standing in front of my steps. "Go home!" I laughed, "I'll be okay, I swear!"

He smiled softly, "Okay! Okay!" he chuckled as he began walking back to his car. All of a sudden, he froze. "Hey, Shaydi?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. I know that I get on your nerves sometimes-"

"Sometimes?" I scoffed.

"Okay, all the time," Angel laughed light-heartedly, "But, I just want you to know that I really care about you, and I am sorry that this happened. You are a great mother to Mia, and I know, with everything in me, you would have been a great mother to that baby."

I tried to hold back the tears in my eyes as I replied. "Don't be sorry," I whispered, "'It was just a blob of blood.'"

~ * * * ~

"Someone said that to you?!" Ash gawked.

I nodded my head as I continued to sob.

"How on Earth could someone say something so heartless to someone who just had a miscarriage?!"

Angel cleared his throat as he passed me another Kleenex, "Easy, the person is heartless." After I broke down on my porch, Angel refused to leave. To be honest, even though I tried to push him away, I was very happy to have his company during this very critical time.

"Well obviously, that old hag has never been pregnant and has no clue what it feels like to have a life growing inside of her!" Ash snapped

"Ash," I managed to whimper, "It was my mom!"

"What was your mom?"

"Oh, never mind!" I wailed as my sobs became more violent. I didn't feel like explaining anything! I didn't even feel like talking!

Angel wrapped his arm around me and began to rub my shoulder with his hand, "Ash, it was her mom who said that to her."

"WHAT?! How could she?! Shaydi-"

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore!" By now, I was hysterical.

Little Mia, who was sitting in my lap, was wiping my tears that the Kleenex couldn't catch, "No cry, Mama," she whispered as she rested her head against my chest, "Please, no cry."

I wanted to listen to my baby girl and pull myself together, but my mother's words cut me like a sword, "Mi'amour, it was just a blob of blood! What on Earth are you crying for? If you ask me, everything worked out perfectly! You're single and young. God knows that you can't handle two children. You should have never adopted Mia!"

~ * * * ~

"Are you sure you want me to leave?"

"Yes, you need to get to work. You already missed yesterday. I don't want you to get fired."

"It would be worth it, though."

"Angel."

"Okay! Okay! I'm going! I'm going! I'll give you a call during my break, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," I replied with a smile.

"Cool. I'll talk to you later."

Once Angel was gone, I wandered back to my bedroom. I would always be eternally grateful for him and his loving spirit. Without him, I wouldn't have made it through the night. He took care of Mia after Ashleigh had to leave, he kept me company until I was able to fall asleep, and he was there to comfort me after each nightmare I had. I would always love him for that.

"Good morning!" Much to my delight, Mia was wide awake.

"Hi!" Mia squealed. "Angie?"

"Angel went bye-bye. He had to go to work," I explained as I took her out of her crib, "But don't worry, Mommy is here."

"Mama better?"

Truth be told, I was no where near "better" and I would never be 100% better, but I didn't want to worry my little girl; so, I forced a smile a face and answered her the best way I knew how, "A little."